This was meant to be about why I do what I do, however…

This was meant to be about why I do what I do for a job. It however, became a bit more cathartic and actually helped me and I really hope it helps someone else.

As a 13yr old I became a worker, a carer and had no idea that what I did and how I lived wasn’t the same as everyone else. Having been in a car accident with my parents where we were hit by a 30 ton truck. My dad received life changing injuries, which saw me take on these roles, and it made me who I am today.

I went back to school and asked if anyone knew of any jobs. Over the next couple of years I delivered papers, sold cream and bacon, sold macaroon bars, dressed as a fish and ran kids birthday parties and worked as a waiter and a barman (aged 15). I did anything to help out and I thought this was normal.

I didn’t complain, as I thought everyone did this, I never felt like I missed out, I just knew that I had to help and I did so gladly. We didn’t have take aways or go out for dinners, we had egg and chips or corned beef and as a special treat we occasionally had a meal out at Asda after doing the weekly shop. I loved those mince pies and gravy. When my mum became ill, I would drive her to hospital and Dr appointments, all the time she would confide in me that she was scared it was serious. A little over 3 months after the diagnosis, cancer took her life. I was devastated. She meant the world to me and I did everything I could to make her comfortable, even carrying her to the toilet when she couldn’t walk anymore. My sister was an alcoholic and I tried to help her, I made appointments for her and would take her to them, but I failed and her addiction would take her life. She was a troubled soul and I never did get to the main reasons, but she needed help and didn’t get it. I didn’t really fall into being a carer, it surrounded me and I embraced it and that’s probably why I want everyone to have the best care they can and the care they deserve.

Now it’s my dads turn, or it’s my wife’s turn, or it’s the turn of my two little boys. I feel I’m failing them all a little. I’ve now a business and a family and I don’t have the time he needs. I get frustrated and torn. My family needs me, my dad needs me, my business needs me and I can’t do it all the justice all the time. I’ve a caring nature, and I struggle when people aren’t caring and they’re spiteful or rude or disrespectful and people who think they’re better than others. I’ve tried my whole life to please everyone and you can’t and that hurts me, I take it personally. Maybe because I can’t understand why people would think of me as anything but being helpful and doing my best. People don’t realise the affects words can have on people, verbal or written. If you truly know me, there’s not a bad bone in my body and although I appear as mr confident and nothing would ever bother me, it does and I’m not always confident, but I feel I have to be for everyone else. I speak about mental health and it’s from the heart and it’s from me. It hasn’t been for everyone and I’d like to say that’s ok, but it’s not. It’s made me realise how far we have to go before we get to where we need to be with mental health. The lack of understanding, the lack of care, the attitude of, “get on with it”, “what’s wrong with you”. I’ve come across very educated people who can explain way more mental illnesses than I can and in great detail, but mental health isn’t that easily pigeon holed.

Everyone has mental health, just sometimes it’s good and sometimes it’s not. How that affects me and you reading this, will be very different. What affects you and I, will be very different. What we do about it or how we deal with it will be very different. That’s why it’s so difficult. This wasn’t meant to be a mental health post, but became a bit through the nature of it and the realisation that I wasn’t in the best place and just writing this has helped, told you, we all deal with things in different ways. Now, my initial point was, what happened to me as a child has made me who I am. I work hard, I appreciate everything I have and I still don’t understand people who make life difficult for you, or are they struggling in some way themselves? Be the best you can, help others when you can, offer support when you can. Sometimes you’ll be taken advantage of, but sometimes we’ll help someone who really needs it. This is who I am, and why I am who I am.

To book a Mental Health First Aid Course with me, click on the link below!